i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
