Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
and you fell through a lawn chair
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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