so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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