They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
