This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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