dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
