I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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