he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
