I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Someone signed my nipple.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
