in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
