He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
