meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
