I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
