dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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