okay pat passed out under dana's car
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
