THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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