Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
