By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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