I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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