And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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