the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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