Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
