Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
