this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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