do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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