Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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