Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
