After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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