Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dignity is for republicans.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
