Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
