I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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