my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
