just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
