Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
