Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
