1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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