We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
