You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
