You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
