That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
