A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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