I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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