I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
