Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
