it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
