i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
