end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
barbara walters just said penis...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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