What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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