just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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