One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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