Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
