This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
