Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
