i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
